Unwritten Rules at Work

Since birth, we have been guided by a set of social norms. Which effectively are unwritten rules that we live by. These unwritten rules guide how we live and determine how people react to us.

In times gone by, most of these rules were called “good manners”. These would guide the behaviour of a lady or a gentleman. Unfortunately, some of these rules are no longer appropriate nowadays. As they provoke the wrath of various groups currently in society. This is a topic for another article and not this one.

Those of you who read my articles and know me may be surprised by some of my comments below, hopefully in a good way.

What are unwritten rules?

Unwritten rules in society and at work cannot be enforced. You can only be punished for breaking rules that are written down; even in law. Unless written and tested, they cannot be enforced.

But the law can not cover every aspect of life, so lawyers are stunning at using language to cover the gaps.

For example, if I go out and get drunk, foolish and decide to cause a problem, there are a million and one ways I can do this that are not written in the law books. So how can I be punished for something that is not written down? The charge the police would use is “Drunk and disorderly”, perfect, three words that cover an incredible number of issues I can cause.

The military also has its “get out of jail free” cards for servicemen who step out of line. The military use “Bringing the service into disrepute” or “conduct unbecoming”, so if they cannot nail you on anything specific but have the appetite to punish you, these are the favourite ones. Trust me, as a veteran myself, we are incredibly creative when it comes to getting into trouble.

I’d like to know how many veterans serving men and women reading this have lost weekends and money due to the above statements.

However, this article is about unwritten rules in the workplace.

Unwritten rules in the workplace.

Again, you cannot be punished for breaking an unwritten rule, but like good lawyers, a well-managed and educated HR department will have a myriad of overarching rules to use against you. Like the military, one HR favourite is “Bringing the company into disrepute” or “Gross negligence”.

Every company has its own culture and way of doing things. Within that lived reality are the unwritten rules that must be followed to get ahead in a corporation. These are not usually written down in a company handbook but are left implicit, and unwritten. For employees to decipher on their own, hopefully, before learning about them during a disciplinary meeting.

Most learn about these rules by asking team members, seeking feedback, inquiring about what gets rewarded or discouraged, or simply observing what does or does not work.

While some unwritten rules may be useful and constructive (increase your visibility, build relationships, network, etc.). Some unwritten rules can take on their own life. How do you know when an unwritten rule is dysfunctional and has passed its sell-by date?

Good rules and bad rules?

So, if we decide that rules such as the ones below are ridiculous:

• Walk faster around the building (so you look like you’re busy).
• Don’t reply to emails too fast (so you look like you’re busy).
• Sit closest to the boss in meetings.
• Squeaky wheel gets the grease.
• Leave a jacket on your chair so it looks like you’re still around the office.
• Send an email late at night or on weekends to appear dedicated.
• Don’t smile too much.
• Have a firm handshake.

What about these?

• Leaders and managers should maintain social distance from their teammates, in and out of the office.
• Treat people with the same respect you would expect yourself.
• Don’t go to work if you are sick.
• Don’t forget that you are still at work, whilst attending events and social gatherings.

These are certainly not ridiculous; most of us follow these and many more without thinking about them.

Control Unwritten Rules

Unwritten rules have the proclivity to become embedded in a company’s culture and thus end up as the norm. However, by the very nature of this becoming the norm, it will prevent the company from moving on and changing with the times.

During your career, how many times have you questioned a rule or a process, and the answer has been “because we always do it this way”? If you look at change management in a company, you will find most of the pushback from the change haters will be based on a company culture that is based on unwritten rules.

Unwritten rules to be controlled, effective and help with company culture need to be written down, discussed and created.

Once a year, management and teams should get together and write down all of the unwritten rules they know about inside of the workplace. Discuss them and decide if there are any that are outdated and need to be dropped but also are there any that need to be brought in?

This engagement will empower and motivate the employees to help change the company culture and by that very nature will encourage them to take ownership of that culture. Once discussed from top to bottom an empowered and servant CEO would be able to announce the adoption of them.

Are Unwritten Rules Inclusive?

In an answer that may surprise you, no they are not.

Currently in the workplace we spend so my time and money trying to race to the top of the DE&I ladder to scream at the world we won and yet we are forgetting a group of people we claim to champion.

Many of these unwritten rules are developed more by body language than verbal language; social psychology tells us that 93% of communication is not explicitly verbal (Mehrabian & Ferris, 1967).

Some people I know in particular, struggle with making good eye contact. Or matching topics to a particular social context, and this is most problematic during interviews.

As autistic people struggle greatly with nonverbal language. Many unwritten rules are unfair to them, and many non-autistic people. Especially those in power are unwilling to explain it all.

People with other neurodiverse conditions like ADHD struggle with unwritten rules as well. Due to the factors of impulse control and concentration.

Sensory issues are also a strong factor in dealing with unwritten rules and conventions.

So as unwritten rules are mainly based on socially acceptable norms whether in or out of the workplace how are these inclusive for people in the neurodiverse community?

Food for thought?